Korean Subway Riding for Dummies

Sitting down in a subway car in Korea is a rare experience, especially for the feeble-minded.  Common etiquette designates that you give up your seat to elders, the disabled, and women.  If you are not part of this demographic, ball up and stand. 

Rush hour, though.  Rush hour dissolves all morality.  It is the great equalizer.  It is getting stranded on an island, except not like getting stranded on an island because islands are not as crowded.  In any case, all people are brought down to their animal instincts.  It is the moment of impending death.  It is during this time that sitting is essential for your subway riding experience. Standing and holding onto the handles isn’t so terrible, but actually it is.  Sitting is supreme.

During rush hour, you are squashed against the businessman next to you, the girl with too much make-up.  And just when you think the car can’t possibly fit in more people, AUGH more just did.  If you’re lost in the middle of the crowd somewhere, chances are you won’t be near a pole or a hand strap and you have to hold on to the sweaty man next to you.  Sometimes it’s so crowded you get pasted to the glass window on the door, and you get pushed out as soon as the doors open for the next stop.  Commuters waiting at the stop will try to get in before you have a chance to get back on.  If you are especially feeble you might get stranded at a random stop and you’ll have to squeeze your way onto the next train. 

 Compare this with getting a seat.  The space above you is free, and you can lean your head on the window behind you and fall asleep.   And since no one ever commits the great crime of trying to squeeze in more people in the row (there are designated curves on the seats for a specific amount of butts) thigh room is ample.                  

        Before we discuss tips on how to get a seat on the subway, there are few ideas you need to get ingrained in your head. 

 
The Basics

 
This Is No Time To Be Nice.  As I said, it doesn’t occur to Korean people that it might be common courtesy to let the people exiting the subway walk out first.  In fact, it doesn’t occur to them that they should practice any good manners at all.  So if you want your Korean subway experience to be a pleasant one, you need to do as the Romans do.  Be extremely aggressive and assassinate Caesar if you have to.

 Carpe Seat.  In each of ten cars, there are forty-two seats. That may seem like a lot, but it’s nothing compared to the number of commuters.  Never assume that other people will get up at the next stop.  Now is your only chance in the world.    

 Understand the Rules of Claiming Etiquette.  The seats are all arranged along the side of the car, in between doors.  If someone is standing in front of a seat and that seat becomes available, you’d better burn off your own eyes before thinking about taking it.  That person has claimed the seat as his own.  Korean people are very particular about this.  So.  You must “claim” seats on your own.  Stand in front of a potential seat, and wait there until it becomes available. 

How to Get a Seat

 Location, location, location.  It’s everything.  Your best bet is to stand right smack in the middle of a seating section and hover around as many people as you can.  If you are near a door, your claiming abilities are severely limited, since you'll only be able to claim that coveted corner seat.  Plus, without fail, you will notice that when the corner seat opens up, the person sitting next to the corner seat will shift over immediately so that they are not in between two people.  Without fail.  So hover around the middle of the row.  Take a wide stance; claim at least three people.  Don’t let anyone come into your space. 

 Use the stop-and-go’s of the subway to your advantage.  Exaggerate your swaying at stops, and try to claim more than the standard three seats.  You don’t want anyone claiming seats next to you.   If you are wearing a backpack, stand sideways, and fall down on the ground occasionally.  

 Claim people who are alert.  This is just common sense.  Don’t be so foolish as to stand near people who are sleeping.  Let the sleeping people be – they like where they are, and they won’t get up.  I can’t tell you how many times I myself have fallen asleep on the subway, missed my stop, and not regretted it at all.

 Avoid old people.  They only ride subways if they are traveling for more than an hour.  If one of the seats you’ve claimed next to the old person happens to open up, you wouldn’t honestly enjoy sitting next to the geezer, anyway, would you?  Your answer should be no, I’d hate it.  I hate old people.  This is no time to be nice.

 Look for middle and high school students.  If you can stand the smell, that is.  They are marked by white school uniforms.  They are bratty, and tend to grab a seat even if their stop is next.  You’ll rarely see a young student travel for more than 10 minutes at a time.

 Avoid thirty-something to middle-aged women.  They have no shame.  They disregard all of the rules of claiming etiquette.  They will tear you to pieces.  Don’t be fooled by the decoys they carry around, which they call infants.  They are manipulative, and will not lose a fight – avoiding them is the best way to deal with them.

 As a last resort, stare pretty young women down.  They may get freaked out and get up.  Otherwise, they could be flattered and you’d have yourself a date for Friday night.

   
            Advanced tip:

Get into a car which is strategic for commuters to transfer to other lines.   Most commuters are experienced enough to get into the car that will let them walk the quickest path to the next train, so they are likely to get up frequently.